Author: Mya
Hobbies: Microscopy, Glass Blowing, Leather Crafting (make a knife sheath here). Hiking, Terrariums and Collecting Calendars.
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Why It's Best to Think of BDSM Like a Kinky Buffet
Takeaway:BDSM has so many great choices. It's not a lifestyle with hard and fast rules. It has so many great components that it's more like a kinky buffet!
You read a blog post that describes a woman handcuffed to the bed, blindfolded, and with a ball gag shoved in her mouth. The only thing that turned you on was the blindfold. Then, you saw an image of a woman bound by rope, hanging upside down. The rope looked interesting, but the fear of passing out in that position was a turn-off. You like a bit of light spanking, but not with a riding crop like the last book you read. That just sounds painful. You like some kinky things, but not others. Is that normal? Actually yes, it is normal.
Welcome to the kinky buffet that is BDSM.
What is BDSM?
Bondageand discipline are about restraint. http://www.bravotv.com/ involves physical restraint through rope, chains, silk scarves, and practically anything else that you can tie someone up with in a safe manner. Discipline involves restraint of the mind through behavior. Punishment is the consequence of a lack of discipline.
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Dominance and submissiongo hand-in-hand. A Dominant partner controls the submissive partner through a power exchange that is negotiated and agreed upon by all parties for either a specific set of time or under specific circumstances.
Sadism and masochism involve the pain aspect of BDSM. Sadists enjoy inflicting pain while masochists enjoy receiving it. There's an old joke about the masochist who begged, "Hurt me, hurt me!" The sadist's response? "No."
One Size Doesn't Fit All
In bondage, there are people who are tied up, suspended from the ceiling, and left to hang in full view of an audience. On the other end of the spectrum, some people prefer to have their hands tied to the bedpost with a silk scarf. Both are valid ways to play with bondage. With discipline, you may be told to remain in one position for a certain amount of time or you may be tasked with giving up certain foods or habits.
Dominance and submission range from occurring only in the bedroom and only with certain partners to full on Master and slave 24/7 relationships where the slave must ask permission to do the most basic functions, including using the bathroom.
Sadism and masochism sound scary if you're not into being hung from a hook in the ceiling and whipped with a bullwhip. If a light, bare-handedspanking sounds goodto you, you're still within the spectrum.
Figuring Out What You Like
There are checklists for Dominance and submission that let you go through a plethora of activities and mark whether you are interested, unsure, or definitely not interested. There are memes like 30 Days of Kink, 30 Days of Submission, and 30 Days ofDominancethat have you answer a specific question each day to help you on the path to self-discovery.
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Use these resources as guides on your journey. Understand that, over time, your preferences can and will change. It's a good idea to look over the checklists and re-do the 30 day series every so often.
The practice of BDSM is one of constant learning. There are always new kinks to discover, new toys to play with, and new things to try. There is only one hard and fast rule in BDSM: consent. Without consent, anything that happens is abuse. Once you and your partner are in agreement on what to try, what to do, and how to do it, the rest is a kinky buffet. Try a little of everything that sounds good, come back for what you really like, and leave the rest behind.
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Professional writer, sex blogger, erotic author, sexual submissive, and kinkster, Kayla writes more than is probably healthy over atA Sexual Beingand overshares about the kinky and mundane side of her BDSM relationship. Her mission: to make BDSM, specifically Dominance and submission, less scary, less weird, and much more real and attainable for anyone willing to learn more.
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